Money Listens

Talking about money and finances is difficult. Especially if you’re married to the person you’re talking to! Why is it so hard to communicate when you’re doing a budget? It’s because you and your spouse don’t agree 100% on everything. What happens when the nerd wants to put the extra $100 in the 401(k) and the free spirit wants it to go into the vacation fund?

One gives in to the other, but isn’t happy about it, and resentment builds.

Or, both stew about it and nothing get done until someone spends the money without the other’s consent. (And wait until he or she finds out!)

Or, stalemate, nothing gets agreed upon or done and somebody ends up sleeping on the couch.

How about really listening to one another? Write down what each wants and why. Why do you want more money for gifts? Is it because you’re afraid what your sister will think if your gift isn’t nice enough? How about if you are upfront and say that we’re trying to save for retirement and are going to give some small home-made gifts this year. List the pros and cons of each item, brainstorm alternatives. Keep this list with your budget and refer to it often. You’ll forget what you already decided and this will keep you from having to rehash and redefine the same issue. Consider the goals and values you both have agreed on. Compromise. You both must own the financial decisions because you both must live within the budget. Make sure your spouse feels understood and appreciated. Try talking for no more than 30 minutes at a time; and never after 10:00 at night. Here are some questions you can ask each other:

1. What’s the important issue here?

2. What are you hoping will happen?

3. How will this help us reach our goals?

4. What is your biggest fear about this?

5. What’s preventing you from …..?

6. What would you be willing to give up or compromise for…..?

Think positively about money. We have goals and managing our money is the way to achieve those goals. There. That wasn’t so difficult after all.

This entry (Permalink) was posted on Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm and is filed under Budgets and Planets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response , or trackback from your own site.